Today I went out with my bf to the movies.
We went and saw a movie called "Underworld". I thought is was fantastic. I like those kind of movies.

After the movie, we got a drive home from my bf's cousin. While we were in the van, they got talking about when our lease was due and where we'd go.
I hate looking into the future.
Nicks(my bf) cousin got talking about a few places he'd seen available.

For some reason, I just started feeling nervous and scared.
Moving in with my bf, it's a scary move I'd say. It's quite the big step. Least for me anyway.

I got thinking about my past. When I was in Orangeville. How I was back then, and who I talked to. Just everything.
It was that moment, that I realized, I had forgotten a lot about my past. How could that happen? All of my memories, all of my thoughts, all of it. Well...a good chunk.

I had to seriously think hard to get glimpses of them. Even still, I have trouble. I'm loosing them.
I tend to do that though. Whenever something new becomes of me, I through a bit of the old me out. And forever it's lost, until I can somehow awaken it. Bring it to life once again.


I guess that's how my mind works.
I've heard this happening to some people. Their brains I mean. They can only hold so much info, so whenever something new comes, they "Store" away something to make room. I wonder if this is whats happening to me?

It's scary, really.
To think, I wont remember this day 5 years from now.

Now, I'm not talking about any ordinary memories. I'm talking about things I did with my siblings everyday, and friends. It's all just very vague.

I suppose I deserve it really.
Sadly I spend each and everyday as far away from them as possible.

I don't mean to. Least not my WHOLE family. Just my mother.
I have reasons. Reasons, that wont even be mentioned in this journal.

I suppose, I'm just a "here and now" person. Living day by day.

Not caring, not thinking. Just living, getting by.
I'm trying to change that. I want to remember my memories. I'd hate to loose them all. My memories are what makes me, me.

I suppose they're what makes anyone, anyone. Right?

So, by my having loosing my memories like this, it's as if time is freezing over. Every day, time thickens and slows down. It makes me sick. Makes me un-easy. It makes me feel trapped and no longer in control of my life.

So, I continue to fight through this. And hope that I succeed.